I’m in a horrible place. It’s that place at the very edge of my comfort zone where I know I am about to make something of my life and where everyone I know and love (and who loves me) tries to pull me back in. Crabs and buckets…
The worst is that I fully understand where they come from. They really care about me and my future and they don’t want to see me making a mistake, but they don’t realize that I’ll die if I stay where I am. I am hurting. And I just want that hurt to stop. Or at least for that specific PLACE to stop hurting.
I’ve dreamt of this particular property for weeks, prayed for and about it for longer, and now that I have my budget in place and have an idea where my ducks are, I’m getting told why it’s not a good fit for me by someone who has never even HEARD the term Permaculture before. Yes, I can afford bigger and better properties, once I have my house fixed and sold, but the more expensive properties:
- have cold stone or brick houses,
- with pokey little rooms
- haphazardly placed
- and small windows.
It’s going to cost me twice as much to demolish those structures and rebuild something that would actually fit my design! And it will be in a city somewhere. I have no intention of living in a city or a large town. That’s where I live now, and I absolutely hate it here.
I just feel so forking helpless right now. And frustrated. But mostly helpless.
I took all the properties off my OLX wish list this afternoon, but just before I started to type up this post, I went and looked for that specific property and defiantly favored it again. If I need to be there in person, I’ll do that and if I need to borrow money to do so, that will happen as well! There’s a lot of faith going on that not only will that particular property still be on the market, but that there will be one even better available!